this is my life

when i was in high school, i hung out with a bunch of high school peeps at a youth for christ event in medford, oregon. here is a photo of that day, circa 1972. during that time i was also in a choir that travelled around to churches and youth events. it was called the "rogue valley reflections". well, some 36+ years later? we are having a reunion! this photo was taken by lloyd smith who was the unofficial photographer of the organization and who kindly sent us all over 700+ photos of the "good ole days". whilst browsing, came across this one (completely forgotten by yours truly) - noticed about 13 different kids that i went to high school with and then saw my boyfriend at the time (hey, gary!) to the left of the speaker (jim settle, YFC director at the time) and just the top of my head! wow! blast from the past!

since news of our reunion, i have reconnected with a handful of those wonderful fellows and gals from the 70's and let me tell you.....it's been a TRIP! and shoot, the reunion proper isn't even until next weekend, but already the memories are flying, the good times remembered. an evening of song, tributes and laughter is planned for over 100 members of the choir, from years 1969 - 1975. and we have all take a solemn vow - upon first greeting each other, we will look each other in the eyes and gasp "oh, you don't look a day older!"....uhhh, yeah, RIGHT! we will also be lying!! but we will be having a great time while doing it.......

i have to admit to feeling so at odds. so excited to see everyone and so wondering what it is i have been doing with myself, what have been my accomplishments? my claim to fame? my "fifteen minutes"? and does any of that even really matter?and why am i so caught up in what these folks will think of me? rather narcissist, i realize! some of these folks are pastors, some university department heads and authors. some have been teachers and missionaries. some own well-respected businesses. some have been married to their high school sweethearts - forever! and some of us have been through harder times, more than one marriage, loses and challenges.

one gal asked me of we were all going to talk to each other like those bad christmas letters one sometimes receives.. you know the ones, where everything is GREAT. the kids are doing GREAT, their marriages are awesome, their pets can do thirty seven tricks, their grand kids are the most talented, well-behaved angels, their lives are on a GREAT path and nothing bad ever happens.....uhhhh, jakki, NO, that's not how i'm gonna portray things, because is this what i know:

everything i am today is because of everything i have gone through, every good decision and every bad. every trail and tribulation and challenges and hurt and joy and gift and wondrous miracle. i can't change anything about the past - could i even if i wanted to? and what would be the outcome? who would i be then?

am i exactly where i want to be? no
are there things left undone on my list? yep
do i weigh what i want to weigh? heck, no
are there yet dreams to be achieved? heck, yeah
am i blessed to have the best hubs in the world for me? HELL, YEAH!
am i living in a beauteous place? oh, yes, i am
am i the same little girl i was back then? well, no and YES!
am i still the church gal that i used to be? yes, and then again, no, not at all.
am i working on my art? yes, i am
are things perfect? no
will they ever be? no
do i have meaningful relationships in my life? oh, yes!
do i love god? yes, i do
am i learning and growing everyday? well, yes, i am!
am i here, kicking and screaming and moving forward? absolutely!

who we are is made up of all that we have been through.
each has their own story.
and i get to hear about many of those stories and look those dear sweet people in the eyes next weekend.
and in those eyes, my own story will be reflected.