changes and goodbyes....

i have never much liked change. not sure anyone else is absolutely thrilled with it either. i get so nervous. i'm one of those people that could do the same job that required doing the same tasks for years on end. i like structure, i like safety, i like knowing what is coming down the pike. but life, being L.I.F.E. often has a different thing in mind!

one massive change that i have shared in this blog is my mother-on-law's stroke last summer. i tell ya, everything has changed from that point on. the family matriarchal dynamic is different. she is so totally different. okay, so many of her little quirks are still "mary" but a huge part of her is not the same. our relationship with her has taken on new characteristics. then, to make sure she has the best possible medical care, they have moved to the mainland. they used to be just down the road a bit. my sister-in-law from colorado has headed here since her husband retired from the military and is living in the vacated island home until the market gets a bit brighter and they find jobs and new digs.

mary hasn't been doing as well this last month or so as we would like to see. hard to say exactly what it is. certainly, a combination of factors. the stress of the move. medication changes that are wrecking havoc on her system. all we know for sure is that she isn't sleeping well at all and that makes it impossible for her to do any of the rehabilitative exercises that will help with cognition, memory and brain healing that is necessary for her recovery. along with their move came another move for my step-daughter and her cousin, who were living with the them for the last several years.....all within weeks of each other.

all this change and the sense of "holding our collective breath" has taken it's toll. maybe no one is outwardly freaking out, maybe......but the tension is palatable. you can see it, feel it and taste it. you can cut it with a knife.

i keep repeating "live in the moment....live in the moment" over and over again to myself, to my hubs. really, what else can we do? stay present -appreciate each and every thing that comes your way. notice the small graces, the tiny glimmer of happiness, the slivers of sweet happenings, apreciate the blessings. sounds kinda pathetic when i read these words over, but i think you get my drift.........like is full of a number of things, challenging and dear. i want to be present for them all.

one of the things that has changed is that my in-laws have decided to put their oregon beach home on the market. the place that has been a lovely family resource for the past 6 years and they have been generous with the keys to the castle. i have gone there for many personal art retreats all by my lonesome.......lots of family trips, a big 'ole "farmer family reunion" (mary's relatives from down south).....and a wonderful first anniversary celebration bor michael and me. warm, cozy memories.

i love the coast. always have. a refuge. and now it's time for another change. took the photographs you see here two weeks ago. went down with one of the pups to pack up all their personal belongings, donate a ton of food stuffs and things they don't need and generally to bid this piece of heaven on earth a fond "farewell". i had hoped that it would rain like the dickens, be blustery and cold and thoroughly unpleasant! ha ha.......not to be! it was gorgeous and sunny the entire four days......but i enjoyed it, as ever. i am so very thankful for the chance to spend many weeks at this beautiful spot!

change is hard, but something new is always around the corner. my intention during this incredibly stressful time is to breath and to be present enough to see the beauty and opportunity in each bend of the road.